Bronzo the Boss

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

This really is the Brutal Orchestra. - Nowak

Bronzo the Boss is the enemy version of Bronzo, added in the Exquisite Corpse update. It's a secret boss fight earned after completing his quest, normally after finishing the quest Bronzo will appear in the Far Shore and gift the player some coins or an item, however randomly he can give you nothing, telling you that his "prize" is up ahead, after that he can be found in any of the areas as a bonus path, where you can fight him as a Boss. (please use the above tabs to see each individual phase)

The Unique mechanic that Bronzo has, is the fact that all the damage dealt in the boss fight is monetary, and when the player runs out of coins, the fight will end. Bronzo is the most complex, and arguably the most difficult boss in the game, as such instead of just having one reward and achievement he has several unlocks depending on which phases you kill.

Boss Fight Unlocked Dialogue

Talking again after getting nothing. Nowak ... Bosch ... Where's the gift? Bronzo Oh! It's up ahead. ... Nowak O-okay? Talking again: Bronzo Go on boys, I have a good feeling about this run.

Pre-Bronzo the Boss Dialogue

Bronzo Bronzo the Bastard has a favour to ask before you receive your gift. Bosch No! No no no no. !@*$ this! Nowak, we are not gonna take this right? Bronzo One thousand coins! Bronzo the God of Capitalism and all metals precious needs- ONE! THOUSAND! COINS! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Bosch NOOOOOOOOOOO! NOWAK! Break his !@*$ing jaw!

After Phase 1

Bronzo *A single tooth flies free from Bronzo's jaw* Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Aaaaaaaaaaaah! Oh my god! Oh my god! Nowak *Nowak is suddenly filled with regret* Bosch *Even Bosch fails to feel amused at the sight.* Nowak Bronzo I'm so- Bronzo You FUCKING knocked out my tooth! Nowak *The wrongness of Bronzo's method of speaking sends a shiver down Nowak's spine.* How did you... How... Bosch Bronzo you can't do that! You idiot! They're going to have to up the !@*$ing age rating. Jesus !@*$! We didn't even pass this by Hellbent. Narration *We're not kidding about this*. Bronzo Shut the FUCK up Bosch! You knocked out Bronzo's FUCKING tooth. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. Nowak Bronzo I'm so so so- Bronzo Shut the FUCK up Nowak! Bronzo the Toothless is going to- Going to- FUCKING KILL YOU!

After Phase 2

Nowak Bronzo I'm so so sor- Bronzo *Bronzo turns away from you to address the audience of other Bronzo's.* What are you all, Bronzos the Useless. Get up here, Bronzo needs some Bronzo the Backup.

After Phase 3

Nowak *Nowak is visibly exhausted* Bronzo... Please... Bronzo ... You know what Nowak. ... Bronzo the Understanding forgives you. Bosch Wait really? Bronzo Yeah, you didn't mean it and Bronzo the Forgiving understands that. We all make mistakes. *Bronzo begins floating as he speaks.* Bosch Uhhh, Nowak? Bronzo *Bronzo takes notice of his floating.* Bronzo Oh, it seems Bronzo has become, Bronzo the Enlightened through the power of forgiveness. Huh. My only regret is that my childhood cat, Bananas the cat, couldn't be here to see it. Bananas the "Cat" *An abomination of a thing scurries at comical speeds into the arena.* *Mrrrogh* Bronzo Oh, he's here. And so now Bronzo is Bronzo the Totally Content and at peace. Bananas the "Cat" *Mrrroghle* *Murgle* Kill. Bronzo Oh? Kill them? Bananas the "Cat" Killllll. Nowak No, C'mon please. Bronzo Sorry Nowak, but they don't call Bronzo, Cat Obeying Bronzo for nothing. Bananas the "Cat" *Murgle*

After Phase 4

Bronzo Bronzo... Please... We can't keep fighting like this. I'm sorry for knocking out your tooth. ...And killing your cat. Narration *Bronzo is doing a voice that is clearly a terrible impression of Nowak.* Nowak What? Are you pretending to be me? Bronzo Bronzo, be reasonable. You don't have to do this. Bosch Ugh, what is he doing now? Bronzo No Bronzo, don't do it! You can't handle the unfiltered power of monetary gain. It was not meant for mortal men! The fourth wall can't handle it! Nowak What is happening? Bosch I-I don't know, but I'm sure it's about to be upsetting. Bronzo NOOOOOOOOOOO! Narration *Bronzo suddenly explodes into a purple blinding light.*

After Full Completion

Bronzo ... Nowak ... Is it over? Bronzo It's all over. Nowak What even was all of that? Bronzo It was fun. Y'know, "gameplay". Nowak Oh yeah, I forgot about your whole "all a game thing". ... So that was all to entertain someone? Bronzo Yep, they're right there. Nowak *Nowak blatantly cannot spot what Bronzo is pointing at.* Really? Bronzo Yep, always. Nowak Huh. So this game we're in, is it popular? Like it has to be, right? Bronzo ... It's done alright. Nowak Alright? Bronzo There are lots of people that really love it. And there are lots of games that have done worse. So maybe alright is a bit harsh, but... Nowak ... Man, that makes me feel weird. I kinda figured we'd be like... The big one. *Nowak has a distant look as he processes the nature of his existence.* So what now? Bronzo Well, you get on with your adventure, and Bronzo resets to before this whole ordeal. Nowak ... Bronzo Nowak, can you do something for Bronzo? Nowak Sure? Bronzo Can you look at that spot *Bronzo points at the player* and say "This really is the Brutal Orchestra." Nowak ... This really is the Brutal Orchestra. Bronzo Heh.